Write a paper base on the professor comment and Resolve annotated issues which marked in the document.

Write a paper base on the professor comment and Resolve annotated issues which marked in the document.
Explain above, your thesis currently relies on the claim that the blood shortage stems from the fact that people don’t want to donate blood and that everyone should have the same ethical imperative to donate blood. This is a very narrow and one-sided perspective that your essay does not support. While the blood shortage may be due, in part, by people not wanting to participate, your essay provides evidence (which you ignore at times) that there are many other reasons that are causing the blood shortage, such as strict eligibility requirements, mishandling of blood, people’s lack of knowledge about blood donation, etc. There are all factors that your argument should take into consideration and acknowledge. Instead, you keep returning to the idea that “people ignore” blood donation, which doesn’t seem accurate with the evidence you provide at times in your paper. Another issue is that your argument is based morality, which is not a strong perspective to take because morality is personal to each individual and should not be imposed on anyone. So, for example, when you state that blood donation is a “moral requirement,” who are you talking about? What about people who don’t see that as a moral requirement? What about people who would like to donate but can’t because they’re sick or don’t meet the eligibility requirements? Or people who can’t donate due to religious or cultural beliefs? Making an argument based on morality opens up a lot of room for your readers to discredit you. In many ways, this may not be what you are trying to say but it is how the reader may interpret it
So, as you revise, you should work on making your argument a bit more well-rounded and concrete, acknowledging these different factors and providing specific solutions to the problem. The good news is that you already have a lot of the research and you already provide solutions to the problem in the last few paragraphs of the essay. So I think there’s a way that you can revise your thesis to better match some of the points that you’re already making – be mindful of the several reasons that are causing the shortage and list the solutions for how to resolve that problem. But you should also work on revising the moralizing and contradictory language that you use throughout the essay to avoid making moral demands of your reader. Finally, one very important thing you should work on is paragraph structure. Part of why your argument is still unclear is because you present evidence but don’t organize that evidence around specific arguable points. This makes it so that your essay reads like an explanation of the evidence. So, as you revise, you should work on restructuring your body paragraphs so that each one focuses on and develops a concrete supporting argument that connects back to the thesis.